Theatreroyalwinchester's Blog

Instalment One – in which a grey outlook is replaced with something a bit more colourful.

Dear Diary,

BORED!

BORED!

BORED WITH BEING BORED!

I tell you, Winter is the DULLEST. Everyone who is remotely interesting disappears once the clocks go back.

Even those blessed bunnies, who are so keen on my alfresco karaoke in the summer months, high tail it down their warren at the first whiff of frost. I’m not sure what they get up to down there but there is always twice as many of them when they reappear in Spring. It’s a rabbit ‘Thing’ I expect.

Socially all I am left with at this time of year is the occasional appearance of the badgers. As ever they arrive at my den in the middle of the night demanding food in their highly aggressive manner – not a P or Q in sight with that lot.

And they are still sporting all that ludicrous black and white hair dye. The whole forest knows they do it to cover up their grey. We might be fooled if they thought about an all over dye job, but, oh no, they are too cheap for that.

It’s about as convincing as Bernard the Bald Eagles toupee. Funny how you never see him in a high wind.

At a pinch I can always fall back on Oswald the Wise Owl for some entertainment, so long as I can cope with the endless parade of his awesome knowledge. He makes me play University Challenge with him. I never win. He seems to know everything yet he never moves. Plus he is a terrible gossip. That’s what comes of having a head that can rotate the full 360 degrees. He is such a smarty pants and a little stuck up to boot.

For heavens sake I am the one with Royal ancestors. What right has he to be haughty. He was born in a barn. You know, the one over the way from that terrifying Scarecrow. I can’t for the life of me go near that straw creature.

Last spring I dropped my Eric Bana Butch Pink Man-Bag in his field and I am still trying to find the wherewithal to ask him for it back. Although I gotta say it does look great on his arm and it certainly kept the crows off the corn round harvest time.

Actually I think I’ll let him keep it. Butch Pink is a little ‘last year’ for me now. According to my Stars in the Jungle Edition of Paris Match, we Leo’s are all about red, gold and green at the moment. They will help calm our chameleons, apparently. I know my chameleon is always a little on the nervy side, so much so, that it has been known to affect my appetite.

Last time I had a flare-up I didn’t eat for hours and ended up so weak I couldn’t get the den door open. Thank goodness someone noticed I wasn’t out and about and asked a passing Tin Man to help. Those Tim men are so handy with their iron choppers. The door was matchwood in seconds. I am so glad I was too weak to remember the incident otherwise all that banging and cracking would have given me nightmares for months.

My den has a lovely lavender, light-weight, PVC door now. So it’s like I always say, every cloud has a silver-lame lining.

Actually, it’s the same with all this BOREDOM. Its made me come to a decision.

So my current silver-lame lining is that this year I am going to go away.

I am going to Winter somewhere exotic and vibrant. Somewhere filled with glamour, crammed with style, packed with sophistication and dripping in champers and diamantes.

So I got out my king-sized atlas (I nearly sprained myself hauling it down off the top shelf) and let Fate decide where I should go.

Fate wanted me to visit Monte Carlo coz that is where my index claw landed in the atlas. But my bank balance would not allow that so I am off to Winchester instead (a King Alfred always beats a Prince Albert hands down in my book)

So tomorrow I am off on my first ever Winter Jaunt. Just imagine!

I’ve booked a suite at one of the city centre hotels and packed all my most stylish manes. A Lion always needs a magenta and ribbon strewn mane when wanting to wow ‘em in far flung places. After all it is what is expected of one such as I. Given my Royal Past and all that whatnot.

Anyway, wish me luck. Let’s hope Winchester isn’t full of meanies who would mock a delicate lion like myself.

Paws and claws crossed.

Will keep you posted on my adventures.

Lion xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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